Sunday, March 31, 2013

No Use Crying...

Over Spilled Milk???

Whoever invented that saying was obviously a man... A man who must not have had a wife who was pumping or nursing a baby!


You want to know what I think that!?  Its a really good question that goes something like this.... Today- on Easter of all days, as I am pumping for my surro twins just enjoying life- nothing really crazy going on...

Then I get up to put the milk away and clean the pump parts and that's when it happens, yup- I drop that 2.5 oz bottle with fresh pumped baby milk in it- and sure as the world the lid pops off and out goes that hard work- all over my floor-  Now I know you are thinking that I am crazy, I mean its only 2.5 oz of milk...Give me a break!  First of all for me 2.5 oz of milk is 1/2 of what I pump in each sitting.  You see I am not a great pumper. It takes a lot of time and I feel like a lot of energy!    Needless to say I was pretty upset!

Lets fast forward about 12 hours and I am finished pumping, getting up to go put things away and you know what happens... Sure as the world- we repeat my morning pumping session all over again!  Only this bottle was filled to the top- because I had already not been paying attention when I pumped and it had over flowed, so I have no wasted about 5-5.5 oz of milk today!  Are you kidding me...

By this time I just want to throw myself on the floor crying and stomp my feet. I send about 20-25 oz of milk a day and when I waste 1/4th of that I just get so upset with myself! 

I don't know how I will recover the day of wasted milk to have enough to send today...

Now you know-- that although it doesn't do me any good to cry over the spilled milk, I still will cry- use every bad word I can think of throw a fit when I spill milk that is meant for babies!  I never had this issue with my own babies- since I nursed them, these bottles might be the death of me...

Monday, March 4, 2013

My life is changed...

Two months ago- my life was changed forever.  Sure I had been preparing for this for months.  I mean being on bed rest was no joke and I had plenty of time to think about the upcoming birth.   I had time to think about what life would be like after the babies where here.  Would I be sad?  Would I think life was different?  I guess those are the questions that I never thought about- because emotion is so hard to predict.  I didn't know if I would be happy or sad to see the babies leave.

Well, let me tell- I couldn't feel prouder!  What you say...prouder?!  Yea that is a new one for me too- I don't often like to say I am a proud person.  I try to live my life honest and as a good person and just feel like that's how people should be. Doing the right thing and being a good person isn't something to be proud of, its just who I am.  But I am proud.  I see pictures of those babies and my heart is proud.  Full of love and excitement.  I love that the little 5 and 6 pound babies I gave birth to are now over 10 pounds each and that they are healthy and happy and home with their family!

I love those babies- but I don't love them like they are my children.  I love them because I wanted them for their parents just as much as I wanted my own children for me.  I loved them for the 9 months they were in my belly.  I love them with a love that I can't explain.  Seeing their chubby little faces and hearing about how they are growing can brighten my worst day!  My heart is full- Full of love, and excitement and joy.  Being part of this journey has been one of the most amazing things I have done in my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

If I had to name this journey- I would call it "Labor of Love"!  Still sending milk to the babies and enjoying knowing that I helped bring those babies to life and dreams come true.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Its been a month?!

Where oh Where does the time go?!?!  I can't believe that the twins are one month old!  It just doesn't even seem possible! 

Yesterday the twins turned one month old- and I still couldn't be prouder or feel better about my journey!  It feels so good!  The thought of them brings a smile to my face and then when I get to hear that they are doing so well - that even though they were small at birth have already almost outgrown newborn clothes! (which means I need to exchange their valentines outfits, before I send them)!

I am still pumping and shipping milk to them, which makes me feel good too- we will see how long this works for- I went back to work today, so that's a whole new challenge and something else to figure out!  I was surprised that it actually seemed easier at work- I don't know if that's because I didn't have anything else to worry about- like my own kids!  LOL!

So here is to those sweet little babies who have now been with their mom and dad for 1 month!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


Since the twins have been bored I have been pumping for the twins.  I really didn't realize that it was going to be so much work and such a time consuming task. I do not enjoy waking up in the middle of the night and that was part of why I was so thankful the twins weren't coming home with me!  :)  However, at least when you are nursing, or for me, I always was able to side nurse and sleep while the baby ate- it doesn't work so well when pumping, just ask the countless amounts of milk I have spilled because I have fallen asleep while pumping!  Which always makes me so mad!  Milk- breast milk specifically is like liquid gold. It takes so much time to pump and then to spill it- just makes me want to cry!  Since I worried about having enough milk for two babies and try to over supply so that both babies can have breast milk any amount of spilled milk makes me so upset I could cry- even in the middle the night!

Shipping the milk was a whole nother situation and quiet that task- at least this time, I know what it will take to ship it!  Last week, I went to fed ex here in town, I asked them about shipping, the guy sold me a box and I got the cooler and the dry ice.  I came home, I wrapped each days worth of milk into a brown paper lunch bag, then stuck that into a zip lock freezer bag. I stuck the bags into the cooler, and put some plastic grocery bags between the dry ice and the milk and taped up the cooler. I then packed the box taped it and addressed it.  Carted my kids off to the fed ex location in Fort Collins.  I carted the box inside and began to tell the lady what was in the box. (keep in mind its about 5pm with the box needing to be ready at 6 for pickup)  The fed ex lady tells me that she can not ship dry ice in a fed ex box and that I would need to find another box.  At that time I about have a breakdown. Don't these people know that I need to ship the liquid gold to these babies?!  and that the dry ice is only good for about 24 hours?!  So I ask the lady (who was really nice) where I can get a box, she tells me I can go to home depot and buy a box and tells me where the home depot is.   So I pack the kids back in the car- leaving my box at the fed ex location (see I told you the lady was nice).  Run to home depot, quickly get a box and get back in the car and head back to fed ex.  The lady tapes up the box for me and I unpacked the old box and repack the new box. Fill out all the forms and get everything situated just about 545.  Whewww- that was close. 

The milk arrived safely and frozen and hopefully the babies are enjoying it.   Currently my freezer is again over flowing with milk and I need to go ship it- I don't know how long what I have sent lasts the babies or how much they are eating at just a little over 2 weeks old. I do feel bad that the cost to ship that milk was so high.  J told me that it was over 200.00 to sent the milk.  Seems like a lot of money to pay every week for milk.  I would love to be able to just sent it once every few weeks.  We will see what we can work out.

Monday, January 7, 2013

This is what its about!

Baby C (in blue) and Baby E (in pink)
10 days old (already?)

What a special few weeks its been.  The time with my IM who was in town for a week after the babies were born. Birthing two babies vaginally!!   The Babies and their parents made the long flight home yesterday.  I can't even begin to imagine how nervous they must have been to board that plane with two one week old babies on a 4 hour plane ride and just hoping that they didn't cry the whole time! My IM texted me after they landed and let me know that they made it and that the babies actually slept the whole time!  Whew!  I am so happy that they made it home and are going to begin their lives or at least trying to get some kind of normalcy to life- I cant imagine it was easy being here in Colorado wanting to share your babies with their families and friends and my IM was alone for 4 days while my IF went back home with her son to get him back to school.  I am sure she is glad to have some extra help and just be in her own house!

Things have been going ok-  I am pumping for the babies and am so happy that I can continue to help them out in this way.  They were small- or at least Baby C was at just over 5 pounds at birth I feel confident that breast milk will help him grow strong.  While the babies were here, I was able to take it to my IM every day and the babies got some each day- they have to share until I can get enough for two babies instead of one!   Friday I ended up back at the Dr.  I had a fever and my belly was hurting so bad it hurt just to take a step.  Turns out I had an infection in my uterus!  So I have been on antibiotics and am feeling so much better.  Then on my Birthday which was Saturday my youngest got the stomach flu.  So its been a rough week, but I am feeling much better today!

So- that's my story.  I don't have to be back to work until January 29th, I am not sure I will take all that time, but its nice to know that I have it- should I need to.  I would like to get my house in order and my Christmas put away-

I am also proud to report that this journey did not Ruin my children like some people thought it might.  They are all fine and are as excited as I am when pictures come from my IM.

Love...That's all I can say- A different kind of love- but this journey was all LOVE!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Twins Birth Story

I was scheduled for induction on 12-28 at 7:30am; the twins were exactly 38 weeks.   I called the hospital at 6am to make sure they had room for me.  Sure enough- the nurse said, see you at 730.  When I arrived and got checked into my room it was pretty close at 8am.  IM arrived shortly after getting into my room, and the nurse started going over things, the normal locating babies, getting hooked up and changed. The next hour or so are kind of a blur and before I know it is like 10am. I was having contractions on my own, but they weren’t doing anything, when the on call Dr checked me I was a 3.  We decided to start the Pitocin to get things moving.  The Dr informed us that we would need to get the epi in place before she would break my water, because we never know how fast things will go once my water was broken. The hours ticked away- as keeping the babies on the monitors was a little rough, so the nurse was in and out all the time, re positioning and getting them back on.  At some point we switched to a head monitor for baby A, as he was getting pretty low and we couldn’t keep him on the monitor.
Again I was having contractions but not anything too serious, I could take through them.  So- we waited, and waited… My Ip’s were in and out – giving me time to rest but letting me know that they were there for me.   Around 245 I decided to get the epi.  I felt like that was the magic key to moving forward as at that point I was only 4cm.  All day and one cm progress.

Since the epi was in place my Dr decided to break the water on baby A.   That was right around 415. My IM watched them break my water asking lots of question and then she decided to go take a nap- they didn’t get to their hotel until almost 1am, Thursday night/Friday morning.  She left to go take a nap while I just kind of hung out- I  wasn’t really feeling anything, thanks to the Epi.  The nurse came in to check on me right around 530, and I was starting to feel some real pressure.  The" I think it’s getting close" pressure.  I told her I was feeling pain and pressure and she let me have some more epi meds!  When I told her that didn’t really help, and asked when the Dr would be back to check me again.  During this time my IM had made her way back into the room and the Dr must have known we were talking about her because she also come in and I told her I was having a lot of pressure.  She said well let’s check you-

The check proved that I was almost a 10, she said a 9 with a small rim.  So- my IM got my IF and then things got crazy really quick.  Nurses come in everywhere and the white suits came out.  My best friend was there as my support person and my IP’s all getting on the white jump suits and hats. They were still all getting ready as they were pushing me down the hall to the OR.

The OR- a cold and not so inviting place. People everywhere.  Smaller bed (read cot) and my legs in these boots!   Huge blue strap in boots. We had an extra OB in the room, my IM and IF my friend, nurses everywhere. IM was holding one of my legs, my friend was holding my hand and rubbing my hair and my IF was taking pictures, somewhere behind me, (I think)?  They were watching Baby B’s heartbeat on the U/S and we were waiting for someone from Ped’s to come in, I guess Dr’s for the babies??  I just know that the worst words a woman in labor can here- is “don’t push”!  You all know that when you have to push, you have to push.  There really is no holding it back.  Finally, the OB said- ok- next contraction, tell me and we will push.   Which just so happened to be right as she was saying that.  One and a half pushes later- out comes Baby A(Christian) at 5:58pm, weighing 5lbs 1oz and 19 inches long.  Rest for a minute as they make sure baby B is still head down and locate her heart rate again.  Whew!  She stayed head down.   Break Baby B’s water and we kind of wait for her to move on down.  I remember the OB saying ok- when you have a contraction let’s go ahead and push.  I don’t know how many pushes she took- what I do know is that I was pushing and it was hurting and I turned to my friend and said- oh man this hurts!  Turns out she was sunny side up.   If you ever want or need some encouragement to push really hard and really fast, listen to someone in the OR say- ok, you need to get her out, PUSH!  I guess her heart rate dropped and hearing those scary words was enough to send me over the edge…push, baby B (Elizabeth)born 9 minutes after baby A at 6:08 pm weighing 6lbs 2oz and 17 ½ inches long.

I did need a few stitches after the placenta fun!  Baby girl was fine and baby boy is still in the NICU.  He had some trouble maintaining his body temp as well as eating, but is doing better now.  I believe he might be discharged tomorrow and they will go home to NY on Wednesday.

My Ip’s have been so wonderful.  They are beyond grateful and every time I see them they thank me for doing such a wonderful job.  Saturday morning my IM brought the little girl in for me to hold.  She is so tiny and such a cutie.  She told me I could go to the NICU and see the little boy anytime I wanted.  I made my way there in the evening after my shower and she was there.  She left to go feed baby girl and told me to stay as long as I wanted.  She said- she thought he would enjoy hearing my voice and being snuggled.   I spent about an hour with him.

Emotionally I feel good.  I cried once with the nurse who was talking to me and telling me what a great thing I did- I didn’t cry because I was sad to be leaving the babies-  In fact I feel relieved to not have a newborn to care for at home, the tears just sort of flowed.  Tears of happiness, tears of worry for how little that baby boy is tears because it’s over and I feel like it took so long to get here!   I really couldn’t tell you; maybe it’s just the hormones! I feel great about the entire thing.  Things went wonderfully.  I couldn’t feel any prouder to be part of something so special and so amazing. Watching my IM cry as her children were born and knowing that I helped create that family is a wonderful feeling.  I don’t even know how I can describe that feeling, Love? Completeness?  
I went into this journey just knowing that I wanted to do this for a family.  I have my reasons, I think everyone does- it was something I was called to do- something I really needed to do.  I had no idea what I was in for- and I have learned so much over the last 3 years from the time I started all of this to birth of twins.  Learned a lot about life, love and myself.  I can see why people become passionate about helping create families!  If this is my greatest accomplishment in life- I feel like I am content with that.  Helping someone else create a family was a blessing to me and my life as well as theirs.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

36 Weeks? Is it possible?

Is it really possible that we have made it past that mark- that one number on the calendar that we all strive for- 36 weeks has come and gone and I am on the downward way to 37 weeks!  When I woke up Friday morning, knowing that I was 36 weeks and that if these babies came, the time in the NICU would be much less minimal than had they been born even just a few weeks earlier!  

Short cervix and all, I am here- hoping to make it to that 38 week mark- which is the ultimate goal.  Thats just about 9 days from now.  If I can hold these babies in for another 9 days- I will feel so good about the way my body has behaved.  I don't know what my cervical lenght is, and I have a Dr. Appt today so we will if I am dialated at all...but its a truely good feeling knowing that we are just days away from these babies meeting their parents.

The babies are very active and still just really high up in my ribs, sometimes its painful- but then I remember that I am thankful for the pain because it means that they are still inside!

Here is my 36 week belly picture- just for fun!  I will try and update a little after my dr appt today and see if the Dr thinks there is a chance of me going on my own- otherwise we are keeping that plan for induction on the 28th- right after Christmas!