Thursday, November 25, 2010

I should be...

I can't wait for this month to be over. Every milestone of this month is a tough one... because its all the things that should be happening... I should be testing right now. I should be peeing on a stick waiting to see the pretty line and waiting to call my IM to give her some really great news... But here I sit... no stick peeing for me. Well, I could but it wouldn't be very much fun.

So, I hope that she knows I am thinking her and wishing her a very wonderful Thanksgiving. I know that things didn't turn out the way we had planned or hoped, but I still think about her. I still hope that she is able to have the sweet baby her heart longs for.

I wonder if she will ever be able to move forward without regrets. The clinic said they wouldn't work with me, because of my weight. When she finds a smaller surro, what happens if she doesn't get pregnant? Will my IM ever be ok? Will she spend time questioning herself and the clinic, about their choice? I pray that she does find the perfect person and that it works out wonderfully for her. I just don't want her to endure any more heart ache.

My heart is thinking of you. I hope you having a wonderful Thanksgiving, full of Love and Laughter, and know you will always carry a special place in my heart.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I should be....

I should be in NY this week, getting pregnant. I should be spending time with my IM as we prepare for a transfer and enjoy this time of excitement and being nervousness. I am sad. Sad that this week has come and gone, and nothing has come of it. Sad that I am sitting at home today thinking that a month from now, I could have been giving this wonderful lady the best news of her life, telling her I was pregnany with her baby. Instead I sit here with an empty heart and an empty uterus.

I hope that where ever my IM is tonight, she knows that she is in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that God brings her amazing things in her future. She is such a special lady and I really hope that she is able to become a mother through this journey. I know it works, I have seen it work, and although I haven't give up on my dreams of helping someone, I think I needed to get through this month and past this date that they had said in my head, to feel the pain and the loss of this journey.

"M" will always hold a very special place in my heart and I hope that someday I see a picture of her holding her sweet baby!