Tuesday, December 18, 2012

36 Weeks? Is it possible?

Is it really possible that we have made it past that mark- that one number on the calendar that we all strive for- 36 weeks has come and gone and I am on the downward way to 37 weeks!  When I woke up Friday morning, knowing that I was 36 weeks and that if these babies came, the time in the NICU would be much less minimal than had they been born even just a few weeks earlier!  

Short cervix and all, I am here- hoping to make it to that 38 week mark- which is the ultimate goal.  Thats just about 9 days from now.  If I can hold these babies in for another 9 days- I will feel so good about the way my body has behaved.  I don't know what my cervical lenght is, and I have a Dr. Appt today so we will if I am dialated at all...but its a truely good feeling knowing that we are just days away from these babies meeting their parents.

The babies are very active and still just really high up in my ribs, sometimes its painful- but then I remember that I am thankful for the pain because it means that they are still inside!

Here is my 36 week belly picture- just for fun!  I will try and update a little after my dr appt today and see if the Dr thinks there is a chance of me going on my own- otherwise we are keeping that plan for induction on the 28th- right after Christmas!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Chugging Right Along...

Well here we are!  Yippeee--- Coming up on 33 weeks this Friday!  I can't believe how quickly the time is flying.  It seems like just yesterday we were still trying to get pregnant.  I can't believe that these babies can come in the next 3-6 weeks. Hopefully closer to the 6 week mark but I also don't want to have these babies on Christmas!

I had a negative fFN test last week at the Dr and have my appt tomorrow for cervical lenght check and weights on the babies.  I will keep you posted on how that goes-  I know my blog past has been a little less than exciting the past month, but its really just been the same thing!  I lay around most of the day, keeping my cervix from too much change and just well...chugging along!!!

The heartburn has been worse in the 3rd trimester than it was in the first and often nights like tonight I find myself wide awake, with this acid indigestion/heartburn!  This is when I get some prime Christmas shopping in, since I won't be black Friday shopping this year! :(  I am learning the ropes of the cyber shopping as I have never really done it before!

Well, for good measure here is my belly picture from last week. 
 


 I feel like these babies are trying to push their way out through my rib cage some days, and I can't wait to see what they weigh as I can feel the room getting smaller.  My girls make fun of shirts not fitting all the way around my belly and I can't stand to have anything resting on my belly!  Any kind of pressure is very uncomfortable!

I am really glad that I have made it this far, with the scare of a short cervix at 17 weeks, to have made it this far without any other issues is a really good thing!  I believe that J and M are planning on coming around the 14th of December, so I just keep hoping that I make it that long, that will be 36 weeks.  Or maybe like with my own children, these babies will stay put like good little kids and have to be evicted!

Either way- here is to 33 weeks!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Ups and Downs...

That's really what this has been.  Up and Down.  This journey has been that way- from the very start, and I guess when you haven't been through it before you really don't know what to expect, I read blogs and researched but I don't think anything can prepare you for the feelings you feel as you try to bring a baby(ies) into the world for another couple.  I am blessed with amazing IP's who have been so supportive and understanding and sweet.  They are wonderful.  The pressure I feel is something I think I place on myself, because I want so badly for things to just chug along perfectly like they did in my own pregnancies!  Truth is, no pregnancy is guaranteed to be prefect, weather it was for me or for someone else, and I just have to come to terms with that accept that, pregnancy is just always ups and downs... I have seen my friends struggle with their own pregnancies and they have done everything they could to have that perfect baby they want so badly with a perfect pregnancy!

So- lets see..the downs... I failed I failed my one hour glucose test, which meant I had to have the three hour test done.  This week my cervical length also changed.  The Dr said it was kind of sporadic and went as low as 1.1-1.9, it has been stable at a 2.  The change meant I under went the fFN test yesterday afternoon.

And... the Up's! I passed the 3 hours test, the Dr said that my numbers were great!  So glad that I don't have that to worry about, my BP has also been very stable and good. The fFN test came back negative- which means that the risk of me going into labor in the next two weeks is less than 1%. Another huge win.

I was prepared for the worst, a positive fFN, would have meant checking into labor and delivery last night and being monitored for contractions as well as the shots of steroids for the babies lungs.  I was sad at the thought of missing my daughters 10th birthday today.  

I am also really thankful for my wonderful OB he has my best interest at heart and is so wonderful.  He called me first thing this morning and said that he was thinking about me last night and wants me to start on Procardia, it will quiet down any action in the uterus.  Its possible that I am having some slight contractions that I am not feeling and that maybe the cause of the cervical change.  He said that at this point he is very certain I am going to end up on it at some point anyways, so starting off on a small dose instead of having to jump into a higher dose when the time comes will allow my body to adjust to the meds.  I was so happy when he called - first that he cared enough to be thinking about me last night after my appt- and second that he is on top of things and really is just great at what he does!

So- that's been the past few weeks for me, just kind of up and down.  Its really hard to lay around all day when I feel perfectly fine, but the more laying around the better, so that's the plan for me.  I just am going to take it easy and try to be easier on myself.  I tend to be harder on myself than need be!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Dear Babies...

Dear Baby A or Baby B or Maybe Both,

While I love that you are growing stronger in my belly and the weeks are passing quickly, I would like to make a little request.  my right side is getting really sore...  If you two would kindly take to beating up the other side once in a while, it would be greatly appreciated! 

Please know that I am not being too picky- you don't have to move from one side to the other- just share the love a little.  My right rib cage, my pelvic bone, they would like to stay intact for the next few months and with you only moving on the one side it has started to be a little painful.

I know I ask alot of you- move around and stay off the cervix, share the love of the kicking around the entire belly...

I greatly enjoy our time together-- so don't get any wise idea's!  Just enjoy the space in there while you have it!

Thank you,

Your wonderful room for rent host!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The worst day of pregnancy!

The worst day of pregnancy for me anyways was today... doesn't matter what kind of pregnancy you are having the day comes when you have to swallow this nasty drink and then wait an hour without having anything to wash it down with!  I usually drink the orange drink- or at least I have in the past...  I hate the orange drink- I believe my friend Jeni over at Love makes a family refers to it as tang on crack- which is well a pretty good description.  Its a sugary orange soda drink with about a million packets of sugar added to it... Oh so yummy right??  By the way its not carbonated, so you don't even have that going for you- so its flat to top it off!

Needless to say I was not looking forward to this appt.  I guess I didn't help myself by eating cinnamon toast crunch cereal for breakfast...  I got there and the lady said- spit out your gum... prepared for the worst she brought out a cup full of a clear liquid.   To my surprise it was not the cracked out tang I was expecting...  I smelled it-- and it smelled like sprite!  Oh man- All I can think of now, is that I have to drink cracked out sprite- wait- flat cracked out sprite--- so you know when you have an upset stomach and you let the sprite sit out and get nice and flat?  Yup--that was it-  Sprite with what tastes like a million packets of sugar added in and again no carbonation!

So, I decide that the best way is to take big drinks and drink it as quick as possible...  I was in the lab with another pregnant woman who was also drinking her flavored beverage... we said it was happy hour and downed our drinks.  Now the drink is gone and I wish I could say that I was glad it was over- the worst part is the wait- nothing to eat or drink for one hour- so I have to live for the next hour wishing I could just have some water to wash it down with...  I went to my appt, saw the Dr...things are great- back to the lab to wait for the hour to be up.   During of course this whole time I am burping up cinnamon toast crunch/flat cracked out sprite and just waiting to be able to take a drink of water!!!

After the hour the draw my blood and off I go- first things first and water!!  Ahhh- water never tasted so good!  Now, to wait for the results and lets just pray that everything is normal, because I don't think I can do it again- only this time for 3 hours!!!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Modified Bedrest--Until

Well, this post has been hard to sit down and write- I don't know why, perhaps because part of me feels bad that although I am just past 24 weeks I have already had to quit working and even though I have read and talked tot he Dr. and my head knows that I couldn't physically do anything to keep this from happening!  Its just hard to feel like this wasn't supposed to happen.  Full term pregnancies with all my own children, no bed rest, no preterm labor...  And now...

I am on modified bed rest UNTIL-- Who knows...these babies are born? Or modified bed rest turns into strict bed rest?!  Last Thursday was my last day at work- it was kind of sad, I don't know if its because I was a little hormonal or what- but I had one good cry and that was enough to last me the day.  Work is where my friends are- work is sometimes a pain in the rear, but right now is an exciting time as we go through JD Power certification and I am sad to miss out on that!

I knew from the start that bed rest was possible and highly likely.   I guess I just hoped that I would make it longer than 23 weeks we did. Darn that short cervix.  The Dr's have been so good at being on top of it and I am glad that we checked it early and frequently so that we would be able to tell if something changed. I am also thankful that I don't have any other pre term labor things going on.  No bleeding, no contractions, I physically feel great!  I do get wore out a little easier than I would if I weren't pregnant and doing some things has become more difficult, but overall I feel good!  These babies have been moving around like crazy and both are currently head down, which puts us in a good position for a vaginal birth! 

Hopefully now that I have come to terms with this modified bed rest, hopefully I will start to write more again... Lots of reading and tv watching is in my future as I focus on one day at a time getting these babies here as close to full term as possible...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Pregnancy Brain!

Well today it officially happened...  That's right-- my brain just stopped working- I don't know why this happened or why it chose important things to screw up!!!


So- as I am opening the mail today- I had several checks come in the mail- expense checks... I took them out of the three separate envelopes and carefully placed them in one.  Went through the rest of the mail- and piled it all together.  Only I at some point got the piles confused...  As I started tearing apart the "junk mail", well actually not until about the 2nd tear in half, did I realize that I was tearing up the pile that had the checks in it... Checks I wanted to take to the bank...

Almost instantly, I felt myself start to get sweaty and I can only imagine that my face was white as a ghost!  I pulled the 4 pieces out of the rest of the trash- and then began to wonder... Can I tape these back together?  If I tape them and take them to the bank will the bank accept them??  I asked around- on facebook and my family- no one really seems to know! 

So- what else can I do but try!  While Mandy was at soccer I took Nicole and Karli inside to computer lab and borrowed some tape from the teacher!  I preformed some reconstructive surgery and taped the three checks back together!!!

After soccer, we headed to the bank!  The teller so happy to see me, said can I help you today!  As I handed him my checks I said-- I don't know if you can, but if you can you will be my hero!   I showed him the checks and thankfully everyone was fairly good spirited about it!  He showed the manager- we had a few good laughs- they joked that they are counterfeit and that they get some money back if they find counterfeit checks!   They helped me tape them a little better and said they would accept the checks and as long as the issuers bank didn't reject them, we are good to go!

So- I am glad they took them and hope that I never have to deal with that again! 

Oyyee!  What an afternoon!  Thank you Pregnancy Brain for that little reminder, never stick checks back in the envelope!

Friday, August 17, 2012

How do you make "Its a ..." into the plural form?



Thats right, these babies are a boy girl twinkie set!  I couldn't be happier for my IP's!  We had talked a few times about names and what they were hoping for and they wanted one of each!  I am so super excited for them.  I couldn't figure out the best way to tell them, and that was the hardest part!  My IM always knows when I have a Dr appt and I always text her right away after my appt to let her know how things went.  I knew I could get away with a little bit of time between texting her and her getting worried.  With my cervical length being an issue I didn't want to wait too long and have her start to worry...

I went to Babies R Us and bought these onesis and then started telling her about my appt- Everything is the same, no changes in cervical lenght and the babies are doing great!  She is coming out for my 20 week appt on the 30th, so I told her that the U/S tech was able to see the babies genders and that I knew and asked if she wanted to know... or wait until she was here to see for herself!?  She replied with OMG...Ok- tell me!  I then sent her this picture and she wrote back...omg, that is so cool and exciting.  Since she already told me the names they had picked- I attached Baby A is M and Baby B is E. 

Few days compare so far in this journey...the moment I got to hear her voice when I told her she was having a baby...the moment I said its two babies and now this.  Its so amazing to be part of something so wonderful and rewarding. 

On a side note- as I was buying the shirts- the lady at the register asked me, do we not know yet?  I said- well, I am surrogate, carrying twins and I just found out they are boy/girl twins and I can't wait to tell their mom... She was sort of in shock and just said that's really neat!

What an exciting week.  My IM will be here on the 30th and I can't wait to see her face, when she gets to hear the heartbeats and see her babies on the screen for herself.  Its one thing to hear over the phone and see the pictures- but I am sure it will be much more real when she can see it all in person. 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

17w6d...already complicated?

Two little baby heads...  Still Amazes me!
Well, today marks 17weeks and 6 days pregnant... I can't in many ways believe that we are almost half way through this pregnancy!  I mean the days are flying by!  It helps that other things in life keep me busy and that I am not preparing to bring these babies home for myself... In fact- once they are born life will just go on....

My appt at the Dr last week was not an uneventful one like we all hope at this early stage in the game.  Babies look great which is wonderful, however my cervix is not being well behaved.  In fact, measuring about 1/2 of what its supposed to be measuring.  The Dr said that I should be measuring about a 4-5cm and I am at 2.3, not the news I wanted to hear, not what J and M wanted to hear.  So we scheduled another appt for today... and the Dr said- to just live life normally... It was hard to not worry and stress out and live normally for the past week, but I did a pretty good job.  I went today and had really no change.  Its still short- really short... and I also have a bacterial infection, which the Dr thinks could have something to do with the short cervix.  So- he asked if I could stay home all week until my appt next week... I convinced him that instead of my normal walking all day standing on my feet job, perhaps I could do desk work all week?!  He agreed to see where that got me...

I go back again next Wednesday for an appt to be rechecked.  Hopefully that cervical lenght stays the same or gets longer, which they assure me is possible!  

Most days I still can't believe that twins are growing in there and everytime I see them on the U/S I am still in shock! 

Here is Baby A looking down... I told the U/S tech they always look so big, when they are still so little...




Here is Baby B looking out at the world... Amazing how they started out as little cells and now are babies...


My biggest question is how in the world are they going to fit??

Saturday, July 21, 2012

First OB Appt...

I had my first OB appt well, I think a week or so ago-  (man pregnancy brain is kicking in already).  It was nice to be able to see the Dr and hear the babies heartbeats.  Nothing too exciting happened, first appt's are just kind of the normal, minus all the yucky girly checks!  We talked for a bit and he was excited that I was back- When I had my surgery a few- well 6-8 months ago- he was the one who did it and knew the reason I was having it done.  The first thing he said when he came in was- You got two for one- huh!!!  It was fun!

We called my Ip's who were on vacation in Alaska- and they got to hear the heartbeat of Baby B.  I did get to learn the positions, which was kind of fun.  Baby A on the right side, and Baby B kind of under on the left side.  I have since been able to find both heartbeats with the doppler I rented!

My Dr. was really great about things and told J that he would call her after clinic hours and they would talk about anything she had questions on.    I also learned that a vaginal delivery is still a good possibility as long as Baby B doesn't weigh more than Baby A- even if B is breach!  :) So I am happy about that-  I really dont' want to have a c-section.

My Ip's were interested in having an Amnio- so we talked with the genetic counselor and instead decided on a test called Maternit21 + or something along those lines which is just a blood test, so that's nice- no belly poking for me, at least not yet!

I have an appt Wednesday to have that test done and then I will have a 17 week appt on the 3rd and then schedule my 20 week appt after that where they will check the genders.  My OB said I would have more appt's than a normal pregnancy and more U/S as they will check to make sure the babies are growing and the amniotic fluid levels.  So- looks like an appt every 3 weeks or so- which is good and exciting!

Nothing else too new to report, I feel like I have felt some movement in there- not sure if its movement or gas!  ;) Seems early to feel much- but you just never know!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Onto the next trimester

13 weeks tomorrow- that's how far along I will be.  Seems impossible that we have come so far.  I have wishful thinking that this will bring some much needed energy and desire to do more than sleep or sit on my couch!  A girl can dream right?

The last month has been uneventful- I finished my meds, had my intake appt at the OB's office and wait for my first official appt this week.  The first trimester always is the hurry up and wait game.  Everyone feels a little safer after the 12 week mark, its like a breath of fresh air to get past that time frame, and the morning or all day sickness hopefully starts to let up at least a little.

For me, I still don't feel the best- very tired and sleepy and just not much of a desire to eat anything too substantial.  I much and occasionally get really hungry and eat a good meal.


My regular family life has been a little crazy and busy- which has helped me keep my mind off the ever growing belly- that still doesn't look pregnant-- just fat and the fact that my house is a mess and needs some major cleaning.

I am excited for this portion of the journey- the heartbeats that hopefully my Ip's will get to hear- babies moving around so I can rest at ease that things are ok- and starting to look pregnant instead of like I have eaten too much fair food already this summer!

Here is to an uneventful second trimester and exciting things to share in the days to come- otherwise this blog is getting pretty boring! :)

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Final Countdown...

Its the final countdown... or at least it is for me.  I have been given my instructions to stop my injections on the 11th and the rest of my meds on the 18th!  WhoooHoooo!  You never realize how hard it is to poke yourself in the booty every night until you to it for 2 months!  And that's just the shots in the booty!  It also means that I am nearing the end of the first trimester, and will be released from the RE soon and off to my OBGYN!  Who I can't wait to share the news with.  I had to have a surgery done oh back in Nov, to remove a polyp and he was the one who did it knowing that the reason I was having it done was to help another family achieve the dream of having a baby!  Its been such a long road getting to this point... I will be so glad once we get to that 13 week mark, and things can start to just calm down and be kind of normal...

I had sent my IP's the video and U/S photos which she got last week and I asked her if she felt it was more real seeing those!  She replied "very real".  Because of the distance she hasn't been to an appt or seen the babies on the U/S... its just people always telling her that I am pregnant and things are great... It was a wonderful feeling knowing she got to see the babies on the video...

Otherwise things have been pretty uneventful-pregnancy wise.  My children and most of my family don't know yet- I will wait until about that 12 week mark and perhaps the first appt with the OB (if I can get by that long without showing too much) and then break the news!  I will be glad when I can eat the things I want or when food starts to sound good again...right now- its just still very blah- I don't want to eat nothing sounds good and I feel nauseous just thinking about eating most things...

So that's it for us...  Still thinking of some cute names to call these little beans!

Monday, May 28, 2012

"Giving a baby away"

I feel like this blog is needed to explain or perhaps help people understand that I am not "giving away a baby".  I hear this expression a lot- how are you just going to give away a baby.  I don't expect people to understand.   I don't even know if its possible for people to understand unless they have the desire to do it-  Unless you want to be a surrogate and you want to help someone in this way- then you might feel like people are just giving away babies...

I am not giving away a baby.  The baby(babies) that are currently growing inside my belly are not mine.  They do not belong to me... Sure- they are inside me... where they will stay until they are healthy enough to live on the outside world on their own with their parents.  I am essentially babysitting for 9 months. When you babysit- you agree to care for and love the child as if it were your own, because their parents can't be with them.  The mother of these babies can not grow them..she can not watch them grow inside her- so I have given her babies a safe place to reside for the 9 months until both the babies and their parents can be together.

I try to have patients for people who ask me this questions, I try to explain in the best way possible that I am not giving babies away- but just the comment in itself has started to rub me the wrong way. The babies are not mine to give away... they are not mine.

This "job" is not easy... Its not like I just woke up one day and was like hmmm, I think today I will just have some babies inside me that I can give away when I am all done.  In fact, it started with lots of reading... reading about what I would need to do- what this required of me, of my family of my kids.  The shots, the travel, the appointments, the time off work- the meds....  I take pills for months on end, injections in the belly and in the booty...  Its not something I jumped into- the testing, the screening, finding the perfect match and navigating the early bounds of that relationship turned friendship...

I would love for every person who thinks that what I am doing is giving a baby away to just stop before they say that to me (again) and think about the situation if it were reversed.  Would you feel like the person who was helping you have a baby was giving a baby away?  If all you ever wanted to was to have a baby- to be a mom and you were told you couldn't...  someone was there to carry your baby inside them for 9 months, willing to poke themselves, go to the Dr, have the tiredness, the morning sickness, labor and delivery just so you could have the family you always dreamed of- would you feel like the person helping you was giving away a baby? 

I don't pretend to know everything about this journey and my feelings and how this will go for the next 8 months, what I do know is that helping this couple achieve their dream of having a baby is something that takes strength, and courage and a heart.  Something that not everyone can do- and I get that.  Perhaps instead of being so quick to judge us " people who give babies away" you should just stop and think about if you had never been able to have your children would you want someone to give you a baby??  Someone to help you make your family?


This turned into a rant and for that I am sorry- I just get so upset with closed minded people who are so fixated on giving a baby away- that's all they see.  If my 10 year old can see the good and tell people how proud she is of her mom- maybe we should stop letting the outside influences dictate how we feel and look at things a little simpler, like through the eyes of a 10 year old- who only knows that this mommies belly is broken and my belly works- so we are keeping a baby safe in there until the baby is big enough to live on the outside with its mommy and daddy.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Twinkles

Yesterday I had my first U/S!  I am a nervous Nancy, so it was a little scary going into that room waiting and just hoping that everything was ok.  I was lucky that my wonderful friend Deanna came with me so she could keep me positive.  She is my rock.  The Dr. took forever to get into the room, the nurse came in and said that they had some things come up.  I think we were there in the room with my naked waiting for this appt for a good 30 minutes before he came in.  That is when I was really glad that Deanna was with me.

After the Dr. came in, he asked me the normal questions, how are you feeling, what were your beta test numbers...  The Dr. started the U/S and began looking around.  After a few minutes the questions started to get more intense and a little worrisome...  How many did you transfer, where they fresh or frozen, from an egg donor or the mother, how old is the mother....


A few minutes later, he said well it worked wonderfully...  And this is what he showed us...



Yup... you are seeing that right.... not one baby-- but two...  two little babies growing inside my belly.  I think I just kept saying, that's good stuff...  It work...  I was 6weeks 2days when this U/S was done, so although we could see the heartbeat the little flicker of it- we couldn't hear it.  The Dr. says that both are measuring good and that baby B is a little bigger than Baby A, which he assures me is common.  Baby A would be delivered first.

I think everyone is in shock and its still really early so anything can happen... taking it one day and one step at time.  I go back next Friday for another U/S.  We shall see what happens then...

Stay tuned for more as we navigate through the waters for the first trimester....morning sickness, mood swings and being tired as all get out!

Friday, May 11, 2012

1616.8

1616.8 was my second BETA number...

Things are moving in the right direction, up- the number should double every 48 ish hours and my number almost tripled!  I am couldn't have been happier to get that result back!  This has been a good week.  Things are moving forward and after the journey I have had to get to this place with a failed match, a surgery, a failed transfer, I finally feel strangly at ease with where things are. 

Don't get me wrong, I am nervous, this isn't my baby and its not my life in the palm of my hands, I am carry a baby for someone else- letting someone else's baby rest inside me until its safe for him/her to live in the world and although I couldn't be more excited for this, its also scary.  I guess maybe I feel like i put more pressure on myself to make sure that everything is perfect.. Its one thing to mess up your own kids, but to mess up someone else's baby...  I am sure you know what I mean.  During my own pregnancies vitamins were something that at some point I just didn't do anymore.  With this baby, I freak out if I think I am going to miss taking them!  

I want to give J and M, the baby that their hearts and arms long for.  I cant wait to hear/see the looks on their faces when they hear the heartbeat for the first time, see their baby on the U/S, feel their baby kick for the first time, and in the end hear that baby cry for the first time and hold him/her in their arms, kissing and loving this precious baby.

I am happy... I know that I will continue to worry about each upcoming appt and milestone, but this has been one of the best weeks of my life!  :)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

We are having a baby!

  Today was our beta test!  Now lets talk about some nerves!  I had asked the Dr. office if I could be the one to call Jane and tell her the news.  I really wanted her to hear it from someone who cared and was excited for her!  They agreed.  I had to go to work after the test.  I had my blood drawn at 730am, and they said the results would be ready in an hour!  Knowing that information was both good and bad.  In a bad way I really checked my phone like 22 times today, just waiting for a phone call!   In a good way- when I emailed the clinic and they said they hadn't gotten the results, I knew to call the lab and find out what was going on...  Turns out the order had been completed, just not faxed...enter some more waiting and going crazy, she faxed it while I was on the phone and an hour later I checked my phone... 

Positive Beta number of 581.1, now to me, I have no idea what this number actually means other than "you are pregnant"  so- here we are!


I was so excited to call J, that I was shaking.  She answered the phone very quiet...  As she tells me she was in surgery on a difficult case... I said something along the lines of "do you want to have a baby", I am sure she must of said huh or something like that, because I proceeded to repeat myself, and she said "yes" and I said well, thats good- because you are having a baby!!!  She was speachless and couldn't say much.  I told her I had just gotten the results from the Dr. office and that I had asked them to let me tell you- she just kept saying its positive, you made my day!  I have to call M.  I started crying and thankfully my friend Deanna was with me for the phone call and hugged me!

I decided to send them this picture tonight.  Everyone deserves to have a positive test picture.  Its not real until you see it, and since she can't see it--

Sending this email to them and telling her over the phine is a day I will never forget- I truely lucky to be helping this family have a baby and I couldn't be more excited for this day!!!  Today my friends was truely a good day!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Shhhh...Can you keep a secret??!

Well, today was 7dp5dt (7days past a 5 day transfer).  Everything has been going fine, besides me going crazy wanting to test!  I have been unusually tired, and had some awful heartburn, but I chalked it up to things being crazy busy at work- and the fact that I have been drinking OJ every morning for breakfast!  Then this afternoon I went to the bathroom at work and there was a little bit of blood on the TP.  I natually started to freak out- because I shouldn't even be getting a period with all the meds I am on, and so my mind thought - am I pregnant and something is wrong.  So, I broke down and went to the store, I bought a test and took it.
And sure enough this was the result!  A postitive home test!!  (Hey I am pretty proud I figured out how to edit the picture and add the numbers!)   The line looks great and I plan on testing again in the morning to see if the line gets darker...  I have since gone to the restroom- well twice actually and had a little more- nasty discharge.  I am pretty sure its some implantation bleeding or breakthrough bleeding, I am taking it easy tonight and I have the next few days off work- so hopefully I can get through the days and make it to the BETA test on Tuesday without pulling my hair out! 

I couldn't be happier.  I know its early and anything is possible, but truely this is my dream.  I want to send a picture to J more than anything in the world... I hope that she is as thrilled as I am when she hears that we are pregnant and that this is the most uneventful 9 months of my life!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Oh the Waiting!

The waiting game... no one likes it-- no matter what you are waiting for, it makes the time go by ten times slower and all you can think about is what is you are waiting for...

The countdown to graduation, getting your Drivers Liscence, Being 21, getting married, having a baby, a job interview, a first date, tests...  It really doesn't matter what exactly the weight it- it sucks!

The problem for me with the 2WW, is that its not my future that is resting in the palm of my uterus!  Its another family.  Yes, my life will change phyically for the next 9 months or so- and emotionally I will be forever changed as I help create a family for someone special... but on a day to day basis after pregnacy its not my life-  Its someone elses'... and knowing, hoping, praying, wishing...nothing I can do at this point will change the outcome of what happens on May 8th!  Its either going to be positive or negative.    Its up to my body and these little embryos' to just nestle on in and do their thing. 

I hate waiting... I know the day is around the corner... 7 days from tomorrow to be exact!  But could the time go any slower... I want to test at home, but will resit, I want to know the results, but at the same time I don't!

Ok May 8th... Lets hurry up and get here!  Hopefully a few things will be able to keep me busy and my mind off this test for a few days anyway... Rockies game, work summer bbq, church, friends...  Who am I kidding..


I WANT TO KNOW NOW! 

See- now I feel better!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Transfer



Well, today was the big day....

We transfered 2 (5 day) frozen embryos.

The Dr graded these two 4AB and 4BA, where a 5 is the best!  So we are all hoping and praying for the best outcome.  I will have my beta test on 5/8 to see if this worked this time... Until then I am going to restrain from taking any home tests and just await the outcome of the blood test, it was too stressful to see the negative all the time.   So- the 2WW starts now-- The waiting is always the hardest part- so I will try to keep my mind of things... I have a few fun things coming up- and I spending time with my friends is always a plus. 

Here is to the sticky babies and hoping that this is the month that helps make some wonderful people I call friends a family!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Time in the Airport!

Well, its that time... time for me to head to the East Coast to see J and M!  I am super excited to be going this time... 

My first transfer was a wonderful experience, but J and M and I, had never met... we had talked on the phone a few times, and texted, sent many emails and lots of texts, but you honestly never know how things will be until you meet someone.  I was nervous, I am sure they were nervouse, they are trusting me with something so precious and close to them!  :)

This time, I don't feel like it will be so nerve wracking.  J and I talked alot and shared a lot of stories while we waited for the transfer last time, so I am hopind that this will also be alot of the same, sharing stories and laughs. 

Last time, she had a car pick me up at the airport- this time she is coming to get me!  I am excited and nervous, I hope that everything goes well!

I feel confident and happy that things are going well!  Wish me luck as we take the next step to helping create J and M's little baby!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Take 2

Well, we are well on our way to our second transfer.  My Appt is for Thursday at 12:30 pm.  I started my PIO injections last night, and had my last pre transfer monitoring appt today....

I can't even begin to express how much I want this to work- I can't even begin to tell you how much my heart aches to help bring J and M's dream of a child into their lives and their homes.

I know its all in Gods hands so- we just have to wait and see-

I am leaving Wednesday morning and will be back on Friday morning... then begins the wonderful 2ww, where this time I am bound and determined to not POAS!

Its going to be a long week, but hopefully one of the best weeks of my life and the lives of the people I have the pleasure of calling my extended family...

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Monitoring Appt!

I had my second monitoring appt today!  Things went fairly well, I guess...

I was expecting the Dr. to say that everything is looking great and ready for a transfer...instead he said that I need to up the dosage of meds for another week and see what my lining looks like next Thursday!  That just seems icky!  :)  I am not looking forward to adding some additional estrace to my diet- all for a good cause, I just know that occasionally if I have had to double up in the past it has caused me to feel AWFUL! 

So we will see what next Thursday brings, the waiting and not being able to plan part is hard.  I am sure its hard for J and M too- not knowing when to book a ticket or a hotel room. 

So- one more week of Lupron craziness and Estrace and we will see where we are that!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

First Monitoring Appt of this cycle

Today I had my first U/S and Blood Work, for our current cycle.  Its always kind of an exciting but nerve wracking day!  Its the day where you find out if your body is reacting the way it should to the meds.  If they have to up your meds because its not working they let you know.  Thankfully both last cycle and this cycle, I have not had an issue with my meds.  My body does exactly what it is supposed to do.  Now they might make me crazy, but the Lupron stops my egg production and the Estrace thickens my lining... Perfect!

Now if I could just convince those embroys that they want to stay inside for 9 months, it will be wonderful!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Moodiness and Headaches

Bring on the moodiness and the headaches... Thank you Lupron!  I have had a dull headache over the past few days, but the Moodiness just struck me yesterday afternoon... I feel cranky and just overall not in the best mood...I dislike the mood changing side effects that the Lupron bring on.  Thankfully I am off work for a few days.  It takes a lot of energy to be happy all day at work.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Here we go

Tomorrow is the start of a new cycle...Starting over is both good and disappointing, I am sad that I have to start over but oh so thankful to have the chance to start over. I am ready to be pregnant. I am ready to make this familys dream come true and help them have a baby. I am not ready for the injections again.

The Lupron shot starts in the belly tomorrow, and then in a few weeks we will back to the PIO in the booty!

Praying that since my life has settled down and things are going well, that this will be our cycle, that everything will work out and the embroys become sticky beans that turn into a beautiful sweet baby!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Ready to start again

Here we go! We are ready to start again after a failed cycle. On Friday I will start Lupron injections and we prepare for our next cycle! I am ready to move forward to help create this baby for this family! I don't know a specific transfer date somewhere mid April, as long as I avoid being gone for Karli's birthday I will be fine with just about any time.

We will be transfering 2 (5day) FET's.

Please say any prayers and send the sticky bean vibes my way!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Negative

Well... thats what my Beta came back. Negative.

I haven't posted much since the transfer, as I took home test after home test and they all came back negative. I knew that the transfer was not a success and it was sad to face that. I didn't want to face that! I just wanted so badly for this to work.

The positive is we will try again. I don't know how long it will take, I don't know what we will change, but I will just hope and pray that it works this time and I can help J and M on the journey to having a precious baby in their arms!

Disappointment stinks, no matter how much you prepare yourself for it, and I don't think we ever know how sad our hearts will be when it doesn't work the first time... but it stung, I blamed myself, my body, going back to work too soon, doing too much too soon... You want so badly for things to work out- and when they don't with no explanation you just find someone/something to blame. Its a rough journey and I wish it was smooth sailing the entire time. But its not, in this infertility world, nothing is fair... nothing is promise that it will work- nothing has an explainable reason.

I am dedicated to helping J and M become parents and the saddness that I felt in her texts and the disappointment was heart breaking. I just want to help - I want to give them the child they deserve.

It will be a little scarier the second time, and I will be a little more cautiuos, taking more time off work, doing less and just resting more... it never hurts right?

Saturday, February 11, 2012

In the 2WW (two week wait)

Well, I am offically in the two week wait. I am 3dp3dt (3 days past a 3 day transfer). I haven't really felt any different and I am dying to take a home pregnancy test, but for some reason, I also just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to see a negative, but I don't at the same time know why I expect it this early. I have read a ton and people can get postitive tests somewhere between 5-7 days after a 3 day transfer. I am really hoping that this works. I just can't even begin to imagine how much heartbreak J and M will feel if it doesn't work the first time.

My trip to the east coast went well. I was so nervous to meet my IP's, I just really didn't know what to expect. It was a really big blessing that my friend Michelle was able to come with me. She is so outgoing and friendly and truely knows no stranger that she helped get things opened up betweek all of us really quickly! We arrived on Tuesday night and J and M picked us up for dinner, we had a wonderful dinner and the conversation flowed very well smoothly for most of the night. J had no decided if she was going to the transfer, I think because we are both so new at this we just didn't know... I wanted her to come, but didn't want her to think I couldn't go by myself and she wanted to go- but didn't want to make things weird for me. In the end I am super happy that she went, in big part thanks to Michelle, for telling her at dinner that she needed to come, because it was her big day!

Wendesday my appt was supposed to be at 10:30, they told me to be there at 10, J picked us up at 9:40 and we headed to the clinic where we sat forever! Finally the transfer at 12:15pm! I was nervous, but everything went well. We transfered 2 3 day embroyes, with a grade of 1 and 1.5, with 1 being the best and I guess 3 being the worst?? J and I were joking and talking the whole time, which was really nice, Igot to learn a little more about her and she learned a little about me. We are very similar in alot of our thinking and she was shocked that I knew so much about being a surro and the things that both she and I had gone through! After the transfer we went to lunch at TGIFridays, and I was so hungry I couldn't even wait to eat. I however didn't want to pee the whole day, so I held that as long as possible. I don't think the nurse thought it was funny when I asked if I had walk around with my legs crossed all day so they wouldn't fall out! That was after 30 minutes of being in bed with my butt in the air! After lunch it was back to the hotel to rest and I stayed in bed most of the day! Michelle and I ordered pizza for dinner and just vegged out! It was nice ending to a very good but stressful trip!

I sheduled for my beta test on 2.21, so I can't wait to see how that goes! Its going to be a long 2 weeks, hoping that it flies by and that I can pee on some sticks and get a positive before then...

Stay tuned...

Monday, January 23, 2012

Flight has been booked

Well... Things are looking good for our Febuary 8th transfer. My flight has been booked and the countdown is on! I am so excited!

I sometimes feel nervous about the transfer and getting a sticky baby! We of course are like everyone else just hoping that this works the first time and we only need to do this transfer one time! I try not to stress about it, because I really don't want to add stress to the mix! I just want to give J and M a healthy baby!

I am super excited to get to meet them. I mean we haven't met at all! A select few phone calls, text messages and emails. It is kind of nerve wracking to think that the first time I meet them, will be on transfer day! I am sure they are nervous too- they are trusting me to carry a baby for them. A person they have never seen in person...

My U/S and blood work appts have been going well. Just two more appts until I am on a flight to New Jersey for which is hopefully the must exciting 9 months in the lives of my IP's!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Ick!

Oh Ick! Yesterday was the first day where I think the meds took a toll on my body. For the most part I haven't noticed much change. I am on 10units of Lupron and 1 - 2mg tablet of estrace 3 times a day. Yesterday I took two of the pills within a few hours of each other, as I had not eaten breakfast in the AM to take the pill. Within a 30 minutes of taking the second pill, I got dizzy, an aweful headache, hot flashes developed as well as an upset stomach! I came home and layed down where I spent the rest of the night! I woke up this morning feeling fine... So I think it was a fluke!

I have read that one side effect is weight gain so I have really been trying to not gain weight! I don't mind doing it when the baby comes, but I am not a tiny girl to start with and the thought of gaining up to an extra 20 pounds prior to baby is not my idea of a good time. So- here is hoping that I don't have any other crazy side effects and that things continue to go well.

I have another U/S and blood work Thursday Morning and we will make sure all these drugs are doing their job! This truely isn't for the faint of heart and takes much more dedication than I think people realize. Some people don't understand what all goes into surrogacy and although I had done lots of research prior I don't think I even knew what to expect !

I am anxious for the next month to kind of come and go quickly, I can't wait to meet my IP's in person and whats in strore for the next months! :)

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Happy 31st Birthday to me! My IP's sent me these beautiful flowers for my Birthday on Thursday! It was really sweet to come hom from work and find these! Things are chugging along, still doing the 10 units of Lupron every morning, my last day of birth control was Thursday and this coming Thursday the 12th will be first day for monitoring including ultra sound and blood work in case any andjustments need to be made to the medicine I am taking!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Ouch....

Thats what I said this morning! My last two shots have hurt! I don't know why, but I am not a fan! Perhaps my belly is not tolerating the shots and I should try my thigh?

Other than that, things are going really well. I haven't noticed any real side effects of the shot. No extra hunger which I was worried about, and no dizziness either!

Tomorrow is my last day on the BC pills and then next week begins lining and blood tests!

Things are moving right along!

:)