Monday, February 27, 2012

Negative

Well... thats what my Beta came back. Negative.

I haven't posted much since the transfer, as I took home test after home test and they all came back negative. I knew that the transfer was not a success and it was sad to face that. I didn't want to face that! I just wanted so badly for this to work.

The positive is we will try again. I don't know how long it will take, I don't know what we will change, but I will just hope and pray that it works this time and I can help J and M on the journey to having a precious baby in their arms!

Disappointment stinks, no matter how much you prepare yourself for it, and I don't think we ever know how sad our hearts will be when it doesn't work the first time... but it stung, I blamed myself, my body, going back to work too soon, doing too much too soon... You want so badly for things to work out- and when they don't with no explanation you just find someone/something to blame. Its a rough journey and I wish it was smooth sailing the entire time. But its not, in this infertility world, nothing is fair... nothing is promise that it will work- nothing has an explainable reason.

I am dedicated to helping J and M become parents and the saddness that I felt in her texts and the disappointment was heart breaking. I just want to help - I want to give them the child they deserve.

It will be a little scarier the second time, and I will be a little more cautiuos, taking more time off work, doing less and just resting more... it never hurts right?

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